Friday, February 14, 2014
I am sitting in my basement. It’s four am Opening ceremony for the con I am going to attend is in less than six hours. My newest Dumb idea was to build a steampunk proton pack from Ghostbusters. In my infinite wisdom, I decide that I am going to start on it a week before con. Everything was nearly assembled and done, I was just finishing up the paint. I hadn’t even started packing, and panic mode ended about six hours ago. At this point, I am ready to just give up and not even attend the con. I look at my pack, comparing the paint job to something I did in Kindergarden. Frustration runs through my veins, overtaking the caffiene that has been keeping me awake for the past twelve hours. I nearly fall asleep on my workbench, ready to give up. Within ten minutes, I am in my bed, still wearing the half-completed uniform that I had been making by hand in between waiting for the paint to dry.
I’ll just rest my eyes for then minutes, I’ll be fine.
My alarm goes off at 730. I awaken to a maelstrom of curses in several languages (one wasn’t enough). I somehow start packing and rush to the event, forgetting half of my stuff, and spending Friday night sewing and screaming at myself in my hotel room in between bouts of tears.
This exact story has happened to me either directly or indirectly many times.
Yes, it was painful every time.
But I needed it.
I needed to fail.
Failure – a word that often elicits fear, anxiety, and disappointment when mentioned. In a community that celebrates success and rewards achievement, we tend to forget that failure is not the endgame; it is a crucial part of succeeding, and following your dream. If you plan on achieving your goals, embracing failure is the key to greater self-discovery, learning resilience, and ultimately, success.
But before we go too deep down the rabbit hole, lets explore the concept of failure, and why most of us have (willingly) lost the freedom to fail.
To begin, I have a question:
What is the opposite of Success?
Here’s a hint:
It’s not failure. You REQUIRE failure to achieve a higher level of success. Just like love and hate are opposite faces of the same coin, so are success and failure.
Still stumped?
Fair enough.
Let’s break quick, and tell a story:
At one point in my life, I wanted to be a graphic designer. This wasn’t my dream, rather it was the dream of my family who wanted me to express my artistic visions in a way they thought was practical.
Man, were they wrong.
I was put into a cubicle farm, where I would work ten to fifteen hours a day, staring at a photoshop-laden screen until my eyes dried out. Finding this a bit…unstimulating, I ended up finding myself at the water cooler hoping to meet someone I could interact with. When that didn’t work, I would go to the breakroom or kitchen with the hope I could find someone to help me pass the time. No matter what, I didn’t want to have to spend more time in my eight-foot box-of-boredom.
Working on my social interaction skills instead of the pen tool caused deadlines to be missed, and my billables went down the drain. On my 88th day of employment, I was summarily told my services as the floor’s social butterfly were no longer required. Putting the few items that belonged to me in my backpack, I quietly left on lunch so nobody noticed I was leaving for the last time.
I had failed. Miserably.
I spiraled into a black hole of self-doubt and frustration. I wanted to crawl into the darkest hole I could find, and give up on everything. Depression and anxiety spiked. I was nearly catatonic.
Once I crawled out of the several-week long dalliance of self-pity was over, I started to ask myself why I failed. In the coming days, I would learn a lot about myself. I learned that I was an extremely social individual and I should be in a sales position, not as much a service one. Once I came to that epiphany, I became a very successful salesperson, delivering solutions to C-suites in fortune 500 companies and much more.
Society (school, college, work, movies, etc) have always taught us that failure is not an option, and success is the only possible outcome. This leads us to create the unreasonable perception that failure is something to be avoided at all costs. Not only that, but we should shun those that do fail socially, as they must not be someone who can succeed. This causes a lot of people to fear failure, preventing us from taking calculated risks and pursue our dreams.
Mediocraty is the true form of failure.
Once you realize that failure is something to be embraced, not something to fear you will start to realize what “failure” as we know it truly is. When you give up on your dreams, you are embracing mediocrity. You allow yourself to become a victim and blame others for your shortcomings. This causes a complex that will back you into a corner of anxiety, depression, resentment, and massive frustration across all walks of your life. By willingly denying yourself the freedom to fail, you paint yourself into a corner that will define everything you do for the rest of your life.
Not Ironically, those that fail regularly are some of the most successful people in History; we just don’t hear much about it. Thomas Edison famously failed 10,000 times before he came up with the lightbulb. Abraham Lincoln and Benjamin Franklin didn’t graduate elementary school. When you see a successful person in life, you see their successes. What you don’t see is the thousands of failures that it took to achieve that success.
Changing your mindset
Failing is closely tied to a growth mindset. Embracing failure allows us to cultivate that positive mindset, which is the belief that our abilities and intelligence can be honed with effort and learning. A growth mindset encourages us to see our failures as opportunities to improve and grow, instead of a limitation that keeps us from achieving success in our goals. Embracing this mindset and “Reprogramming your brain” will cause you to be more positive in your undertakings and become more resilient when obstacles stand in our way.
To truly embrace the freedom to fail, consider these steps:
Set realistic expectations: Understand that failure is a natural part of the journey towards success. You cannot have success without failures. When taking calculated risks, fail better.
Reflect on failures: After experiencing setbacks, take the time to reflect on what went wrong and what you can learn from the experience. Keep a journal of everything you do in terms of your dream. If you don’t have a journal, take a look at our Store and see what we offer based on your path.
Seek support: Surround yourself with a support system that encourages your growth and provides guidance during challenging times. You are an average of the six people you surround yourself with most. Are these people successful, chasing their dream? Or are they victims, blaming their lack of calculated risks on their mediocrity? Find like-minded people that will support you in your endeavors, but still learn your own lessons on the way.
Stay persistent: Don’t let failures deter you. Keep working towards your goals with determination and perseverance. You only truly “fail” if you give up. Learn from your mistakes, and keep moving forward to your dream. Remember: everything you want is outside of your comfort zone.
Celebrate small victories: Recognize and celebrate the small successes along the way, as they are often milestones on the path to larger achievements. Gamify your goals. Celebrate the little things because one day you will reach your next goal. Those little things are what will give you the resilience to keep going.
In a world that more often than not fears failure, embracing it as a source of freedom to success can be very transformative. Failure is not the end: It is a new beginning. By reimagining failure and fostering a mindset geared toward self growth, you can manifest the power to achieve your dreams. Embrace the freedom to fail – it may just be the key to unlocking the potential you need to succeed on your path.
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